The Yuan vs Raine showdown
by brandy mallory
Summary: Yuan or Raine? Who deserves Kratos' love? read if you like either pairing! major songficness and a tiny bit of crossdressing[kratosxyuan kratosxraine]please don't kill me
1. Chapter 1

((A/N: wow, another fanfic... though i'm not sure how or if i'll contiune it, so for now it's just a oneshot, but if its liked enough i'll do another chapter or so.

anyway, this was partly inspired by 1. a harry potter fanfic i read (involving harry singing hit me baby one more time, and draco singing dirty) 2. the question we all wonder about, who should be with Kratos? Raine or Yuan? is he straight or gay? well, from reading most of my fanfics u'd think i was on yuan's side. which i mostly am, but i do TOTALLY love kraine, i do! in fact you will see my first kraine peice come up in a few days! anyway.

i do not own the following: ToS, namco, Britney Spears, Christina A., Nsync, Backstreet boys, or Dream- He loves you not.

enjoy!))

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"This is an important news bulletin." Kvar comes into view, sitting at a desk and reading a paper, "Good evening. Today a shocking spell has hit the world causing people to sing their deepest darkest desires and what not. We go live to Genis Sage. Genis?"

Genis appears outside a building, holding a mike, "Thanks Kvar. It's not pretty. Here in Palmacoasta a fight of sorts has broken out. Our current report reports it's between a blue haired women and a white haired lady."

"Any report on who these ladies are and what they're signing?" Kvar asked, appearing interested, even though it was quite obvious he wasn't.

"Well," Genis paused, listening to his cameraman for a second, "Just a second Kvar, we're about to get so live footage."

The scene goes blurry for a second, cue music.

Yuan appears in a tank top and black leather pants, the music starts, "Give it your all girl, give it all ya got."

Raine walks in across from him, dressed in a halter-top and mini skirt, "You can take a chance, and take your best shot."

Yuan points, "I see what you want girl, and whatcha do,"

"He's never gonna, gonna make it with you." Raine points back.

Raine starts a very cheesy dance routine, circling Yuan, "Your pullin' petals of a flower tryin' to get your way, Keep pullin' til its says what you want it to say,"

The aqua haired half elf starts his own Backstreet Boy inspired dance, "Girl you can pick a field full of daisies, but he'd still be my baby."

Together they both sing, "And I know you can hardly wait 'til I'm away from him, Instinctively, I know what your thinkin', You'll be givin' him an open invitation, But my baby won't be taken in..."

Yuan: "You can pout your cherry lips, Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss,"

Raine: "You can flurt your pretty eyes, He ain't got his hands tied."

Yuan: "No chains to unlock, so free to do what he wants,"

The last two lines really didn't make sense, considering Kratos was sitting just outside where the two where singing, gagged and tied to a chair.

Raine: "He's into what he's got,"

Yuan, pointing at himself, "He loves me,"

Raine gives him the finger, "He loves you not,"

Yuan: "No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you,"

Raine throws water bottle in Yuan's general direction, "He's into what he's got, He loves me, he loves you not..."

Continuing with his dancing, and now supported by his two backup dancers, namely Zelos and Sheena, "You're the kinda girl that's always up for do-or-dare Only want him just because he's there, Always lookin for a new ride, The grass is greener on the other side."

Raines back up dancers (Colette and Regal, how the hell she convinced Regal is anyone's guess) appear out of nowhere, "You're the kinda girl who's not used to hearing no, (no) All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go, (go) Doesn't matter how hard you try, Your never gonna get away with my guy."

Zelos, (Zelos fangirls go wild), "No chains to unlock, so free to do what he wants,"

Colette, doing her best Britney Spears imitation, "He's into what he's got,"

Yuan points to self once again, "and that's me"

Raine, "He loves me"

Zelos and Sheena, "he loves you not,"

Regal, rather blandly, "No matter what you do, He's never gonna be with you,"

Sheena, pulling off a perfect Christina imitation, "He's into what he's got,"

Yuan, "He loves me,"

Regal and Colette, "he loves you not..."

Yuan once again, showing the world he belongs in NSync, "Doesn't matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you"

All the back up dances at once, perfectly in step, "Give it your all girl, give it all you got, You can take a chance, and take your best shot, Say what you want girl, do whatcha do,  
He's never gonna make it with you."

Yuan, "You can pout your cherry lips, Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss, (sweet kiss)"

Raine, "You can flurt your pretty eyes, He ain't got his hands tied.."

Zelos and Colette, ignoring the fact that Kratos has just tipped over his chair, "No chains to unlock, so free to do what he wants, He's into what he's got,"

Raine and Yuan, throwing death glares "He loves me, he loves you not,"

Sheena, and Regal, though Regal really didn't seem very into it, "No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you,"

Yuan, still not realizing Kratos has now got his legs free and was working on his hands, "He's into what he's got, (take your best shot.)"

Raine, starting to cast Ray, "He loves me,"

Yuan, preparing Indignation, "he loves you not..."

Zelos, starting to flee the area, "No chains to unlock, so free to do what he wants,"

Funny, that last line was correct for once, seeing as Kratos was now totally free.

Colette, following Zelos' lead, "He's into what he's got,"

Raine, raising her staff, "And that's me"

Yuan, on his last line of the spell, "He loves me, he loves you not,"

Regal, also fleeing, "No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you,"

Yuan, "He's my guy."

Sheena, running far away with the rest of the backup dancers, "He's into what he's got,"

Brandy Mallory, randomly singing from the sidelines, "and that's me"

Yuan and Raine, "He loves me, he loves you not..."

"Ray!"

"Indignation!"

Randomly placed Presea, "He loves you not,"

Yuan and Raine, who have totally destroyed the surrounding area, dust them selves off and discover that Kratos is nowhere to be found.

Genis appears once again, holding his little mike, "Well there you have it folks. Yuan is a insane cross dresser and my sister is a crazed loon. Back to you Kvar."

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((you liked? you hated? review! also please state who's side ur on, yuan's or raine's. it'll help with the next chapter. yes there will be a next chapter!)) 


	2. Chapter 2

((A/N: hey! It's about time I updated. I'm a procrastinator, I know. It'll be my downfall. That and my lack of talent. Anyway. This chapter would have been up yesterday, but i couldn't log in! For this chapter I decided to use two of my most favorite newer songs. Ain't No Other Man, by Christina A. and Stars are Blind, by Paris Hilton. Totally mainstream, but I love them. The votes from last chapter are in, but I'll announce them at the end of the chapter. Enjoy and thanks for reading, and for all the reviews last chapter! Now lets watch Rom read the disclaimer!

Rom: -sighs- Brandy Mallory does not own ToS or any of the songs mentioned or sung. Also any lyrics in brackets are sung by the back up singers…))

* * *

"Welcome back folks, I'm Kvar and this is the six o clock news," Kvar shuffles his papers quite randomly, "Wild ducks discovered in an Altamira swimming pool and the Pope finally admits he's wearing a pink thong. But first we go live to Genis in the field. Genis?"

Genis is standing in front of a rather large stage, complaining to his cameraman, "I mean, why do they send me on all of these stupid leads? This isn't what I got into journalism for!"

"Genis?"

The white haired half elf jumped, "Crap! I mean, I'm standing here at the main stage in Palmacoasta, where the quest for the answer to the eternal question continues. Should Kratos be with Raine or Yuan?"

"So tell us Genis, what are we about to see?"

Genis sighs, "The two have opted for an old fashion sing and dance off to prove their love or something along those lines."

"So Kratos is in attendance I presume?"

"Yeah, we asked him for a comment but it wasn't appropriate for the six o clock news." Genis sighed once again, "Anyway, the music seems to be starting… According to the sheet I got Yuan's up first with Ain't No Other Man."

The stage spotlights Zelos and Sheena, who are once again the backup singer/dancer people, "Do your thang honey!"

"I could feel it from the start," Yuan walks in, dressed in a pair of tight white pants and a matching tank, "Couldn't stand to be apart. Something 'bout you caught my eye, something moved me deep inside!"

The spotlights began flashing and the angel spins around, "I don't know what you did boy but you had it. And I've been hooked ever since."

Sheena and Zelos do a cute little spin, "I told my mother, my brother, my sister and my friends. I told the others, my lovers, both past and present tense."

Yuan barely dodges a random watermelon that Raine threw at him, "That every time I see you everything starts making sense."

Zelos points to the aqua haired one "Do your thang honey!"

Chorus: "Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you. Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do (what you do). You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon. You got soul, you got class. You got style, you bad ass - oh yeah! Ain't no other man its true - alright - Ain't no other man but you."

The crowd has gone completely wild. A random Yuan fangirl throws a bra, which Yuan signs and throws back into the audience. Insert major fangirl catfight here.

"Never thought I'd be alright. No, no, no!" Note that Yuan is actually hitting all the notes perfectly, "Till you came and changed my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah! What was cloudy now is clear! Yeah, yeah! You're the light that I needed."

He points at Kratos, who is sitting front and center, "You got what I want boy, and I want it! So keep on givin' it up!"

Sheena and Zelos ignor the hisses from the Kraine section of the crowd, "Tell your mother, your brother, your sister, and your friends. And the others, your lovers, better not be present tense."

Yuan dodges a flaming bag of dog poo, "Cause I want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's!"

Chorus x1, Yuan counties to dodge random fruits.

Zelos ducks, "Break it down now!"

Yuan throws off tank top, yes he's now shirtless, it's ok to drool, "Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other! (other) Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other LOVER! Ain't no other, I, I, I need no other! Ain't no other man but you!" This is the part of the song where he really explores the voice scale thing.

"Ohhhh!"

"You are there when I'm a mess" Screen in the background shows picture of Yuan sobbing after Martel's death, Kratos is holding out a tissue.

"Talk me down from every ledge," Picture of Yuan trying to jump off a cliff and fly, with Kratos in the background trying to tell him that his wings aren't strong enough.

"Give me strength, boy you're the best" Picture of Kratos giving Yuan an Apple Gel.

"You're the only one who's ever passed every test," Picture of teenage Kratos, pimple faced, greasy haired, studying for science class. Kratos covers his eyes in the audience.

Chorus x1.

" And now I'm tellin you son, ain't no other man but you"

Yuan and his backup dancers go into super dance crazy mode, "Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you, Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do (what you do). You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon. (baby, baby, baby)"

Yuan fans are still going crazy, "You got soul, you got class."

Raine fans are sending them death glares, "You got style ya bad ass - oh yeah!"

"Ain't no other man it's true - alright –" Yuan's dancing has gotten so fast you'd swear he must be lip-syncing.

"Ain't no other man but you." Yuan finishes song and passes out on the ground.

Genis looks back to the camera, "That was a waste of four minutes. Now my half crazed, I mean, full crazed sister Raine is up, singing" The half elf consults his paper, "Stars are Blind."

Raine walks in where a very modest outfit, which consists of a cute sundress and flip-flops. "Just hanging here with you. Cuz I don't find too many guys, that treat me like you do." The whole Yuan fan section hisses at once. Gee those Yuan fangirls are violent. Wouldn't want to meet them in a dark alley wearing a Kraine rocks T-shirt.

Our half elf ignores the hissing, "Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride. But when I walk their talk is suicide."

Raine dances softly to the music, obviously trying not to overdo it like Yuan had, "Some people never get beyond their stupid pride. But you can see the real me inside And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh."

"Even though the gods are crazy," Martel can be heard, offended, in the background.

"Even though the stars are blind," Did I mention how loud the Raine fangirls are singing? It's awesome!

Raine points at Kratos, "If you show me real love baby, I'll show you mine."

"I can make you nice and naughty" Genis throws up in the background, I guess he took that line a bit perverted.

"Be the devil and angel too," Raine ducks to avoid a handful of carrots that just awakened Yuan has thrown her way.

"Got a heart and soul and body. Let's see what this love can do. Baby I'm perfect for you!" Yuan fans seem to highly disagree with this statement, where as Raine fans are going crazier.

"My love, ohh oh" A catfight between Kruan fan 1 and Kraine fan 4 breaks out. Kranna fan 2 pouts because her pairing has so far been excluded.

"I could be your confidante," Some of the dumber audience members look up the word confidante in their dictionaries.

"Just one of your girlfriends," The catfight is still on, though more people have joined.

Raine starts singing louder to cover the sound of random fangirl battle cries "But I know that love's what you want."

"If tomorrow the world ends," if the fangirls continue like they are, this might be a possibility.

"Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love? Now tell me who have you been dreaming of at night at home? oh no, ohh"

Chorus x1, Raine dances a bit smuttier than she has been.

"Excuse me for feeling," She runs a finger over her lips, "This moment is critical. Might be me feeling, it could get physical, oh no, no no."

Speaking of physical, a Kruan fangirl is being taking out on a stretcher.

Chorus x1

"Let's see what this love can do" Raine's practically shouting over the crowd now.

"Baby I'm perfect for you," Boo's from the Yuan fans.

"Baby I'm perfect for you," Screams from the Raine fans.

"Even though the gods are crazy. Even though the stars are blind. Even though the gods are crazy." Raine promptly loses her voice from singing to loud.

Genis approaches Kratos, "So? Who's it gonna be?"

"Hey!" A women's voice is heard from the crowd, "This isn't fair! I deserve a turn!"

Anna pushes her way on stage. Yuan and Raine gasp.

"Well, this sure is an interesting turn of events," Genis says, "Don't you think Kvar?"

Kvar has fallen asleep at his desk.

"Whatever!" Genis goes off to find a hotdog.

* * *

((Not my best work, but oh well. Anna's joined the brawl! And no I'm not changing the name to The Yuan vs. Raine vs. Anna Showdown. It doesn't sound right… anyway, the Votes stand as:

Yuan: 5 (Wow, Yuan's loved isn't he?)

Raine: 2 (Where are all the Kraine fans? Do you WANT her to lose?)

Anna: 2 (yes I had to Votes for her, even though she wasn't in the first chapter. You can vote for her now!)

And remember: **Every review counts as a vote! Don't waste your review by not voting! And if you didn't review in a previous chapter you still can and it'll still count! The votes will be updated on my profile every day! (Unless I forget) Vote peoples! Vote or your fav might lose! **Also, all voters can appear in the crowd of next chapter's showdown! If you want to be included, or NOT included, say so on your review!

So vote peoples! Thanks for reading!))


	3. Chapter 3

((A/N: Hey, hi hello! I'm updating again, you're amazed aren't you? Anyway, I put in a bonus song. Yeah! And there are a few Reviewer appearances. I want MORE viewers in the fic, so say you want to be in it!

Anyway, Anna's song was hard to pick, but I liked the one I picked.

Rom: "Brandy Mallory owns shit all. She doesn't own ToS, American Idol, Pink, Meowzy, DeadEdBoy, James Blunt or hotdogs."

Enjoy and VOTE! Oh and Lloyd swears. but it's in the name of music!))

* * *

"Welcome back to our live coverage of what is being called The Yuan vs. Raine Showdown by some insane teenage fangirl," Genis looks right into the camera all serious like, "Before the extremely long break, we saw my sister and a blue haired queer sing songs to impress a purple wearing mercenary into choosing one of them. But we were in for a shock when Kratos' wife Anna, thought to be dead, showed up and demanded part of the action."

The screen zooms out to show that Regal is standing beside him, "Regal, if Anna is back what does this mean?"

Regal clears his throat, "Well Genis, though Kratos and Anna where married, I have checked their vows and they clearly state, "till death do you part". Meaning that the marriage was void the second she died. Thus leaving the door open for any new love in his life."

"Any theories on how and why she's back now?"

"I believe it is some messed up plot twist created by-"

Suddenly a woman in a black suit, dark sunglasses and a really long black ponytail appeared from the crowd. She stepped in front of the camera and put her hand up to the lens, "This interview is over." She said, and two men in identical suits grabbed Regal, pulling him into a black van and driving away.

"Right…" Genis looked around, suddenly having no one to interview. He grabs a random person who's walking by eating a hotdog on a stick.

"Meowzy! You're a big supporter of Yaoi and the Kruan! Can I ask you a few questions?"

Meowzy nodded, and took another bite of her hotdog. Hotdogs, yummy.

"Why you love Yuan so much?"

"Oh goddess, where to start!" She flipped her hair and threw away her hotdog, pulling out a lolly pop, "Uhm... I love his attitude, I love his awesome sense of fashion, I love his hair, I love his girly look, I love his voice, I love how good he looks with Kratos..." She stared off into space, daydreaming.

Genis snapped his fingers, "Earth to crazed fangirl." Meowzy jumped and starting chewing on her lolly, "And your opinion on Raine and Anna?"

Meowzy looked outraged, " Why should Raine be with Kratos? Those two never communicate! NOT EVER. Besides, Kratos has taste! No way he'd go for Raine. As for Anna..." She flipped her hair and started waving her lolly around, as if to prove a point, "She had her chance. Too bad, missy, but it was never meant to be."

"So I'm guessing you're very one-sided on this paring war?"

"Obviously." She looked into the camera and did a little cheer, "Yuan, I'm rooting for you! You'd BETTER win!"

And with that she skipped away to find her seat in the VIP section, which was home to all the reviewers.

Genis blinked a couple of times, "I think that may have been a hidden threat to the auth-" He stopped mid sentence as he saw the black haired sunglass lady looking his way, "I mean, uh. Wait, I've just heard news that before Anna's song there will be a short bonus performance by… Lloyd? Lloyd can sing? When the f--- did that happen?"

The lights go dark, "My life is brilliant."

A single spotlight shines on Lloyd, who is sitting on a stool, playing a guitar. "My life is brilliant, my love is pure."

May I note that Lloyd's hair is way less spiky than normal, in fact it is casually falling in front of his eyes, and he looks so super hot in jeans and a t-shirt, "I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure."

Some where in the audience both Colette and Zelos smile, "She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man."

Random Lloyd fans squeal. "But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan."

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place. And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you." Lloyd looks up from his playing and his eyes sparkle, causing fangirls everywhere so sigh.

"Yes, she caught my eye," Colette and Zelos start a random fight in the background, causing random fans to cheer for either Chosen.

"As we walked on by." Anna sniffles backstage.

"She could see from my face that I was, fucking high," Kratos, who is sitting with his bodyguards, reminds himself to ground Lloyd.

"And I don't think that I'll see her again," Random people hold up lighters and do that swaying thing.

"But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end." Many Zelos and Colette fans argue over whom Lloyd's singing about.

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in

a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you."

Now it's time for the easiest part of the song, "La la la

la la la la la la"

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you." The entire crowd is on its feet, swaying to the music. Well, except for the Coloyd and Zeloyd fans, they're trying to murder each other while the Sheoyd fans start to get mad.

"But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you." And with that the author starts crying and the whole audience goes wild.

Lloyd takes a bow and several big time music producers offer him contracts.

Randomly in the background, DeadEdBoy is chasing after Genis with a rather large stick.

"I just wanted to know who you're cheering for!" Genis shouts.

"I told you a hundred times! I'm not on any side! These paring are stupid!" The reviewer said, and then returned to the VIP reviewers seating.

Genis turns back to the camera, "And now it's Anna's turn, she'll be singing," Genis consults his sheet, "Now that's clichéd. I'm Not Dead, originally done by Pink…"

"Yeah, yeah" Anna walks onstage, looking punk and hot. Sorry, I really can't describe things very well. Tight jeans, boots, belly button shirt, you get the picture.

"There's always cracks, a crack of sunlight, a crack in the mirror, or on your lips," Fan's hold up signs that say things like: _You Go Girl_, _Kranna forever _and _Die B-tch Die._

"It's the morning on a sunset Friday when all conversations twist," A Kranna fan pushes her way up to Kratos' seat, screaming threats at him.

"It's the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo but the ice should be on our heads," Presea _escorts_ the fan off the property, "We only spun the web to catch ourselves so we weren't left for dead."

The wonderful bass picks up, "And I was never looking for approval, from anyone one but you."

Genis sits down in the press box beside Seles, who has a cute little notepad open, "And though this journey's over I'd go back if you asked me to."

"I'm not dead, just floating, right between the ink on your tattoo," Genis looks over to see that Seles has written down the word tattoo and has it underlined, "In the belly of the beast we turned into."

"I'm not scared, just changing, right behind the cigarette and the devilish smile, you're my crack of sunlight," Anna goes into a second of total head banging.

Somewhere back stage:

"What? Kratos doesn't smoke! And he most certainly doesn't have a devilish smile," Raine says shocked.

Yuan looks over at her, raising an eyebrow, "You've never seen him drink I take it."

Back onstage, "You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the fact. That others come and others go but you always come back."

Random Coloyd fans are still arguing with the Zeloyd fans, making the perfect set up for a sequel, " I'm the winter flower under ground, always thirsty for summer rain."

Back in the press box Seles writes down _Possible Ranna_ in big bold letters, "And just like the change in seasons I'll know you'll be back again."

Genis looks at her, "What do you work for?"

Seles turns to him, "Gossip and Rumors weekly."

"I'm not dead, just floating, right between the ink on my tattoo, I try to hide my scars from you, I'm not scared, just changing, right behind the cigarette and the devilish smile, you're my crack of sunlight." A small fangirl fight breaks out in the background over where or not regal is gay, it's quickly broken up.

"I'm not dead just yet." Anna screams jumping up and down in true punk fashion.

"I'm not dead I'm just floating, doesn't matter where I'm going. I'll find you. I'm not scared at all, underneath the cuts and bruises find the game where no one loses I'll find you," Genis and Seles have started a heated argument about the ethics of journalism.

"I'm not dead just floating," The lights start to dim, and the fans are start to scream out the last few lyrics with her.

"I'm not scared, just changing; you're my crack of sunlight." Anna stares at Kratos, eyes doing that sparkle thing.

Both Genis and Seles quickly stop bickering and rush to the stage to hear whom Kratos will pick.

Mean while, all three contestants, I mean, lovers, have gathered on stage. The crowd goes wild and it looks like an episode of American Idol. Except there's no creepy British guy in a tight shirt.

"Well Kratos," Genis makes it onstage, "Who's it going to be?"

Kratos, who some how magically appeared onstage, closed his eyes, "I choose…"

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((He'll choose next chapter peoples! So VOTE! Don't let your fav. lose! Anna's song was either I'm not dead or Bring Me to life. But Pink was funnier and less depressing on my part. Thanks for reading and such! Review and VOTE! and let me tell you, you'll all HATE me next chapter...

**right now: Yuan:8 Raine:6 Anna:4**))


	4. Chapter 4 please don't kill me

((A/N: **Important: **anyone who I had planned to have a guest appearance in this fic, you're being bumped back till later. I was going to do them this chapter, but I decided not to. Sorry! Just wait a few chapters!

**Also: **Please do NOT flame me when you're done. Also I know everyone will totally hate me while reading this and it won't make a lot of sense, but please people, I did it in the name of comedy.

**And: **This is not the end.

**As well: **Thanks for all the reviews and votes! Keep them coming! Thanks for reading. You are all going to hate me.

**And:** for anyone who asked, the sequel will be the Zelos vs. Colette Showdown. Same basic principles, different pairings. Starts as soon as this one is done. And that's about 4 chapters away.

I do not own ToS. And thanks to my cousin Shandar, whom I stole some jokes from. please don't hate me.))

* * *

"I choose…" Kratos paused for dramatic effect.

Kruan fans pull out chainsaws, starting them up incase Yuan had lost.

Kraine fans pull out Chicago typewriters and load them. Wait, they have unlimited ammo… They did it for dramatic effect I guess.

Kranna fans pulled out rubber chickens. Full of explosives.

All over audience members inched away slowly, scared of the horrible massacre that was waiting to happen.

Fangirls are scary, be afraid.

Kratos looked into the crowd of savage fangirls, "I choose," He took a deep breath, "Kvar!"

Kvar is seen in the background, jumping up and clicking his heals together, "Yay!"

Somewhere in the crowd the world's only KvarxKratos fan cheered.

((**A/N: PLEASE DON' KILL ME**!))

Yuan, Raine and Anna, all at the same time, "WHAT?"

"He's ugly!" Yuan protested.

"And we killed him remember!" Raine pouted, pointing out another plot hole.

"He was the reason I died and your only son was forced to grow up without his birth parents!" Anna screamed.

All fangirls in the area prepared to kill Kvar, Kratos or Brandy Mallory. Probably Kvar, cause Kratos is hot and only Brandy Mallory can fix this in later chapters.

Genis, who was covering this all live, sighed, "Does this prove that Yaoi pairings are just randomly thrown together?"

Zelos' redheaded little sister turned from where she stood shocked, "Probably. If this where a fanfic I'd want to know what the authors been smoking."

"And where I can get some." Genis muttered.

Suddenly both Kvar and Kratos where airlifted out of the place, leaving a crowd of angry fangirls, two bored reporters and three confused Kratos lovers.

It also left Lloyd, who was still being hounded on whether he loved Zelos or Colette.

So all the fangirls made a deal. They would all join forces to fight the evil pairing of Kvartos. The Kruan fans shook hands with the Kraine fans, and the Kranna fans handed out more weaponry. And this marked the beginning of the regeneration, of the world.

Seles and Genis finished their reporting duties, and took off to the nearest bar. Not that either of them is old enough to actually drink, but at least they could have a game of pool and darts.

Yuan was so depressed he went home and slit…

The roast beef.

Roast beef being slang for…

Roast beef.

Raine was so depressed she went home and hung…

The laundry.

Anna was so depressed she went home and drowned…

Some peas.

Picture it people, drowning peas.

Random stagehands starting taking down the stage, until their boss Yggy, who was very disappointed the program hadn't included disco, told them to leave it.

"I have a feeling Kvar and Kratos won't last to long. They'll be back." He said then broke into evil laugher, "Mwahahahahahahahahaha, hahahaha, cough cough. Damn it, I knew I should have taken my cold medication this morning."

* * *

((And with that I end the chapter. Listen to Yggy peoples, he's ALWAYS right. PLEASE NO FLAMING ABOUT THE EVIL PAIRING! I know you all hate me. I'm sorry…

Keep voting, it's not over yet.

Current votes

Yuan: 14, Kruan fans are mean, don't make them mad

Raine: 7, Kraine fans where are you? Don't let her lose!

Anna: 6, Kranna fans need to VOTE.))


	5. Chapter 5

((A/N: Thanks for all the votes and reviews! And for not hunting me down with a chainsaw! I have nothing important to write… so…. Enjoy

I do not own ToS, Justin Timberlake, DS. Super Princess Peach, Mario or Monopoly.))

-----------------------

Later that week.

Kvar is sitting at his news desk with a box of tissues, a DS containing Super Princess Peach and a large tub of chocolate ice cream.

"Kvar!" Genis pleaded, "We really need to do the news now! Please?"

"News is bogus." Kvar said, spooning out a large quantity of ice cream and gulped it down, "Poor Princess Peach! Her true love was stolen from her! Right under her noise too! We have so much in common…"

"Hate to tell you Kvar but I believe Kratos dumped you, where as Mario was kidnapped by a giant turtle that talks to posters, though I wonder if Peach may have paid him to do that, just so she could finally get her own game." Genis said lightly, staring at his fingernails.

"Kratos! Why?" Kvar broke into hysterical tears and the news had to be read by Genis, who had to film it in a broom closet since there was nowhere else.

At Yuan's house, err, base

"Yes! He dumped that pathetic excuse for a Grand Cardinal!" Yuan jumped off the coach where he had been sitting for a whole four days, getting up only to use the bathroom and get more ketchup chips from the pantry.

He did a creepy little victory dance, "I knew hiding all those naked pictures of Regal in Kvar's sock drawer would pay off someday!"

Botta, who is alive because everyone else who seemed to have died in or before the game had suddenly been life bottled, walked in, "Then next time you do it your self." He shuttered, "I'll never get that image out of my head, I'll be scared for life."

"Oh well, life's not long!" Said the aqua haired one, fixing his hair.

"I'm a half elf! I still have a good 900 years or so in me!" Botta said, "Unless I commit selfless suicide for a purpose that later is proved completely useless, again."

"Shut up," Yuan pulled on his favorite cape, which was bright pink, "We have to get back to that stage so I can dance and sing and Kratos will love me again!"

"He loved you before?"

"Shut up and get the Rheiards."

Botta didn't move, "Only if you take off that ugly ass cape."

Yuan frowned, "What's wrong with my cape?"

"It's pink."

"So?"

"Neon pink?"

"And?"

"It's so… Ugh."

"Botta, I'm a gay man who's after a guy wearing purple spandex."

"Point taken." And they were off.

At Raine's house, err, traveling caravan

"Mwahahaha, I knew hiding Zelos' underwear under Kvar's bed would work!" Raine jumped up from the pile of ruin related books that for the past four days she had been claiming were her only true love. She did a dance much the same as Yuan's, "I will get my Kratos yet!"

Colette walked in, "Ummm, Professor?"

"Not now Colette! Can't you witness I'm about to invoke on a expedition for true love?"

"Did you use the synonyms button for that sentence?"

Raine threw a book at her, "Shut it!"

Colette, who had had the common sense (for the first time ever) to duck, "Goddess! I just wanted to ask you what kind of fuel the Rheiards use."

Raine blinked, "Magic, duh."

"Crap, I thought it was diesel!" Colette slapped her forehead.

The half elf sighed, "No, the authors car is diesel you nitwit."

"I thought the authors car used coal?"

"No, that's Lloyds car that uses coal."

"Oh…"

And after discovering that diesel was a good substitute for magic, they were off.

At Anna's, err, Lloyd's house

"No Krystal, tell Linda you're her mother! She deserves to know!" Anna was at her computer reading fanfics, "Don't let that creepy Gina kid interrupt you!"

"Mom?"

"Yes dear?" Anna asked her one and only child.

Lloyd took a deep breath, "I haven't seen you since I was two because you died. So now you have all this time to hang out with me before some random thing kills you again."

"You're father, the backstabbing evil stinky poo Kvar lover, killed me, 'member?"

"What I mean is, all you've done is sit around cursing dad and reading that fanfic!"

"Actually I haven't been just reading this fanfic, Brandy Mallory takes forever to update. Mostly I'm reading the Hikaru No Go manga, but I have to order number seven."

"Yeah, with my money!" Lloyd cried.

"I have to take my mind off that purple grasshopper jerk. Stupid man," She mumbled, "Leaves his dead wife for a ugly pale faced cream cheese eater."

Sheena walked in to hear that last bit, "Wait! Didn't you hear? Kratos dumped Kvar last night."

"Yes!" Anna jumped off of the computer, where she had just clicked onto the Forcystus fan club on the Namco Tales forums, "I can win back my hot sexy freak in the bed! I knew putting Colette's bra in Kvar's shower would work!"

Lloyd twitched.

Sheena blinked, "What happened to the backstabbing, evil, stinky poo, Kvar loving, purple grasshopper jerk?"

"Huh? I'd never call my sex God those awful names," She ran to the nearest mirror to redo her lipstick.

Lloyd twitched again, "Can you stop talking about, that?"

Anna turned to him, "What? You think me and your father never?"

"In my mind you did it once and only once." Lloyd said, still twitching.

"Wow, you are so wrong! You're father and I used to-"

Sheena cut her off, "Shouldn't you be off to the stage area?"

Both Sheena and Lloyd looked at Sheena, "Why are you even here?"

She shrugged, "I'm bored. And I thought if I hung out here I'd get to compete in the Zelos vs. Colette Showdown."

Lloyd did an anime sweat drop.

Anna grabbed a rheiard and was on her way.

At Kratos' place, err, Derris Whatsitcalled

"Crap!" Kratos frowned, "I dumped Kvar and now that damn showdown is back on."

He sat down on his waterbed, "I am so screwed, unless…" He smiled and went to grab his coat, "If I get another date before the showdown starts again, then I won't have to pick!"

At Zelos' house, err, manor

Kratos rang the doorbell, "Wait, maybe Zelos isn't exactly what I want…"

"Oh hey Kratos." The redhead Chosen said as he answered the door, "Sup?"

"Have you seen Sheena?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs, on my bed."

"Ok… Have you seen Colette?"

"Same place, her and Sheena are helping me play a game." Zelos winked.

Kratos twitched, "Right… I'll leave now."

Upstairs, on Zelos' bed, where Colette and Sheena are playing:

Monopoly.

"Zelos has been gone a while…" Colette said.

"Who care, I'm stealing his hotels." Sheena reached across the board and took a number of hotels and a few hundred-dollar bills from Zelos' money pile.

At Regal's house, err, office.

"Hey Regal!"

"Good day Kratos. May I interest you in some boring work related talk?"

"Never mind, bye!"

At Presea's house, err, cabin type thingy

"Presea! How's it going?" Kratos leaned against the doorframe.

"Chance of me going out with you, 0.003"

At Genis' house, err, tent

"Genis, hey." Kratos smiled flashing a dreamy set of teeth.

"Oh hey Kratos," Genis wiped the sleep from his eyes, "What's going on?"

"Well, I was wondering…"

"What's going on Genis?" Seles popped up from behind Genis, "Oh hey Kratos, heard you dumped Kvar. You have a statement for the press ready? Are you finally going to pick?"

"… No comment."

She didn't give up there, "Why did you dump said ex-boyfriend?"

Kratos sighed, "I found a picture of Mithos under his pillow…"

Somewhere in the background The AOKPFG (Allegiance Of Kratos Pairings Fan Girls) smirked and exchanged high fives.

"What were you wondering Kratos?" The white haired kid asked.

Kratos looked from Genis to Seles and back, "Uh, have you seen my son?"

"Yeah, said he was going to Zelos' to play a game. Why?"

Kratos twitched, "Never mind."

Back at Zelos'

"Who care, I'm stealing his hotels." Sheena reached across the board and took a number of hotels and a few hundred-dollar bills from Zelos' money pile.

Lloyd walked in from the bathroom, "So where is the redhead?"

The said redhead walked in, "Right here."

"So who was at the door?"

"Kratos."

"Really? Why?"

"Like I know," Zelos rubbed his hands together, "So who's up for strip poker?"

A loud slapping was heard as three different hands slapped Zelos' face.

At Pronyma's, err, lair?

"Pronyma! Baby!"

"Nuh uh Kratos," Pronyma held up her hand, "I saw whacho did to Kvar. I'm with Magnius now."

Magnius walked in behind her, "Haha! Vermin!"

"That's nice dear," She said, patting his head.

"Vermin?"

"Ok."

"Vermin, vermin, vermin."

"Is that all he can say?"

"VERMIN!"

Kratos ran far away.

At Neil's house, err, the Governor General's building

"Oh screw it!" Kratos shouted to himself and ran out the door.

At Yggy's house, err, castle

"Hey! If it isn't the backstabbing traitor of a mentor I once had!"

"Shut it Mithos, I came here to ask you out." Kratos shuttered.

Yggy smirked, "On one condition."

"What?"

"You disco with me!"

The auburn quickly turned and fled.

At a strange yellowish house in the middle of somewhere

Kratos knocked on the door of the only person who would know what to do.

----------------------------

Back at the stage

The crowd had gathered once again. The fangirl truce that had been called was over and they all waited for the four main characters to arrive. But in the mean time:

The lights go dim and the crowd goes wild for the warm up act. A smooth almost techno beat fills the area and on stage, dressed in a awesomely cool suit with a black jacket, white shirt, black tie, and one of those cool hats Justin Timberlake wears walked:

"I'm bringin' sexy back," Forcystus, in all his wonderfulness, "Them other boys they don't know how to act."

He winked at the group of Forcystus fangirls that had just tried to rush the stage, but he could have just been blinking, you never know with that eye patch, "I think it's special... what's behind your back."

The backup dancers, a.k.a. Sylph, walk onstage, "So turn around and I'll pick up the slack." "Dirty Babe," He does this cute slide over to Sephie, "You see these shackles baby I'm your slave." In the background Regal glances down at his hands. "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave," Yutis pulls a whip out of thin air and pretends to hit him with it. "It's just that no one makes me feel this way…take it to the chorus" Insert awesomely cool dance moves, "Come here girl, go head be gone with it, Come to the back, go head be gone with it, VIP, drinks on me, Lemme see what you're twerking with, look at those hips, Make me smile, Go 'head child and get your sexy on" In the audience Forcy fans are going wild, "I'm bringin' sexy back." Bras are thrown, "Them other fuckers don't know how to act." The five second delay censors out part of that last line for anyone watching live, "Girl let me make up for all the things you lack" Yuan and Botta arrive and stop to watch Forcy sing, "Because you're burning up I got to get it fast. Take it to the bridge." "Dirty Babe," He does another cute slide, this time to Fairess, "You see these shackles baby I'm your slave." "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave," A number of fangirls pull out whips of their own, Forcy looks nervous. "It's just that no one makes me feel this way…take it to the chorus" More awesome dance moves, mostly to avoid the random fangirls that have jumped past security, "Come here girl, go head be gone with it, Come to the back, go head be gone with it, VIP, drinks on me, Lemme see what you're twerking with, look at those hips, Make me smile, Go 'head child and get your sexy on." "I'm bringin' sexy back," He ducks and a net flies over him, falling on Yutis instead. "You mother fuckers' watch how I attack," He blows a kiss to a fangirl and she faints. "If that's your girl, baby watch your back," Fangirls boyfriend gets mad and tries to find a doctor. Luckily Raine has just arrived, so she does first aid and everyone is happy. "Cuz you're burning up for me and that's a fact." He spins just as Anna crashes her rheiard into the stage. The song ends abruptly. Luckily, well for me, not for Raine and Yuan, Anna is ok, and the three prepare for Kratos to show up. --------------------- ((You can still vote. I forget what the score is, but Yuan's winning. Review and thanks for reading. –hands out Forcy plush dolls-)) 


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